Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
