he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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