the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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