There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
