Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
