when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
