also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
