it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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