doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize