Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
