Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
