ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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