just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
