you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
