he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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