And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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