How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
