he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
