His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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