I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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