you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
