i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize