Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
