I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
