East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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