my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
