So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
