i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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