dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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