2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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