im about as happy as oj after his trial
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
