we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
