I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
