GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize