i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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