I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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