sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My dick has a subreddit
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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