Pappa wants mamma naked
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
