She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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