Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
