My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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