I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
