Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
