Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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