If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
