Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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