Banned from zoo.
Again?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
