So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
