drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
