I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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