guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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