I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
