sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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