I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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