That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just found puke in my bra..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
