The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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