I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
