do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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