Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
