Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
