when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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