Do you still have your period?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
well you can't waste a boner
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize