someone get that fucking seahorse.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
