Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
