Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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